War Handwavium

(voice over) It’s Three AM in the White House and the phone is ringing.

(cut to inside, McCain reaching from bed and shouting into phone)

Who the fuck are you and why are you calling me at Three AM, you fucking cunt?

(a pause)

Bomb the mother fuckers.

(pause)

Bomb the bastards! Bomb em to the stone age!

(McCain slams phone down and goes back to sleep)

 (cut to scene, next day, white house briefing room. General Smith hands a report to McCain.)

Mission Accomplished, Mr President. Spain has been bombed off the map as ordered.

(McCain nods, then slowly stops. he looks up at the General with a vague sense of confusion on his face)

What was that last part?

(fade to black)

…

Some observations from the first debate between Obama and McCain. McCain made good his promise to bring a crotchety old man to the election. All he needed was a cane and shout at Obama to get off his lawn. 

(McCain shakes cane angrily) You lousy kids just don’t understand what it’s like!

The question folks should be asking themselves is:

Would I really want InSane McCain with launch codes during the Cuban Missile Crisis?

Hell no.

The other observation was how much McCain wanted to talk about experience, except when experience would show how fundamentally wrong he was.

At one point, McCain went on a long shpeel about how he was against sending troops to Lebannon, for the first Gulf War, for Kosovo, against Somolia…. and then his recollection of history… STOPS.  McCain was vehemently for the 2003 invasion of Iraq, that quagmire we’re in now, but McCain never mentioned that.

McCain’s version of world history appears to start around the time of Alexander the Great and to stop at Bill Clinton’s presidency. The next several years of history appear to have been a casualty in McCain’s battle with Alzheimer’s.

When Obama mentioned that McCain was for the invasion of Iraq, mentioned that McCain said there were WMD’s in Iraq, mentioned that McCain said Iraq would be easy, mentioned that McCain said we’d be welcomed as liberators, when Obama pointed out just how wrong McCain was about the current mess we are in right now, McCain suddenly wanted to focus on the future.

 ”The next president won’t have to decide if we invade Iraq or not” McCain said.

Is Early Stage Alzheimer’s setting in for you, McCain?

Will the next president not have to decide whether we have to BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB IRAN you crotchety old fuck?

Will the next president never have to decide whether we should bomb Spain?

Will the next president never have to decide whether to bomb al queda targets inside Pakistan?

Are you saying that the next president will be faced with an intenational theater in which his only job is mopping up THE STUPID WAR YOU VOTED FOR???

North Korea suddenly drop off the map, McCain?

Russia has lost all interest in Georgia?

Somalia has stopped pirating ships and vessels in international waters?

The president will not have to decide whether to invade Iraq or not, because you totally fucked that one up for us already. Thanks to you, McCain, we’ve been in Iraq longer than we were fighting in WW2.

But are you saying the next president won’t have to worry about using military force in any new engagements? That we needn’t worry about any new threats? Have you somehow magically divined that the next four to eight years will be free of such incidents?

 What the fuck kind of a world to you live in that your profound demonstration of piss poor judgement in the past is suddenly unimportant to the kinds of decisions you’ll make in the future?

 John McCain was stumping to invade Iraq as early as October of 2001 on the David Letterman show. He tried to blame Iraq for the anthrax attacks that came from america. Before the invasion, McCain told everyone it would be easy, that we would find WMD’s there, that we would be welcomed as liberators.

And suddenly, McCain doesn’t want to focus on his experience? Suddenly, the office of presidency is nothing more than a janitorial position intended to clean up the 8 years of Bush/McCain decisions?

John McCain made a point to talk about Eisenhower before D-Day and two letters he wrote, one was a congratulations of victory and one was a resignation because of defeat. John McCain talked about FIRING the SEC chairman, about finding the people responsible for making bad decisions and kicking them out. And yet, by McCain’s own logic, the SEC chairman could simply respond to calls for his resignation by saying

“Hey! It’s not like the next SEC chairman will have to decide whether to allow the country to slide into the worst economic failure since the great depression, right? Why focus on the past? What are the sorts of decisions we need to make going forward?”

And yet John McCain clearly made a fucked up decision to rally the country into a stupid war for stupid reasons and stupid plans that were sketched out on a napkin. MCCAIN VOTED TO INVADE IRAQ.

And his response to Obama pointing out MCCAIN’S TOTAL FAILURE to make the right command decision about Iraq is to sidestep his own responsibility, to sidestep saying I FUCKED UP.

Obama: Hey Grandpa, did I ever mention the time you VOTED FOR THE INVASION OF IRAQ?

McCain: Listen, you little snot-nosed kid, the next president isn’t going to have to decide whether to invade Iraq or not, OK? You little cunt. That bad decision has already been made, and we don’t have to worry about someone making that decision again. You just don’t understand.

Short McCain: MISTAKES WERE MADE, WHO MADE THEM ISN”T IMPORTANT. 

Straight talk express, my ass. This guy has shown himself to be a complete political weasel. Whenever things got really tough during the debate, McCain would invoke some emotive plea about dead soldiers (soldiers he voted to war), or about how he would take care of veterans (many veterans groups give McCain a lousy score on his voting record) or the fact that he’d been a prisoner of war.

McCain: Did I ever tell you the story about the time I was a POW in Vietnam?

Obama: Every day, Grandpa. Every god damn day.