War Handwavium

This is the War Handwavium score for “Shoot Em Up”, a movie released in 2007.

+384 points

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465602/

!!!SPOILERS!!!

All times are relative from the start of the movie, as recorded by a DVR.

+3 points, 0:02, Smith kills thug with carrot

+33 points, 0:03, Smith shoots 11 thugs

+5 points, 0:04, Hertz shoots wounded thug to stop him from squirming

+2 points, 0:07, Smith knocks out thug with gun

+5 points, 0:09, Hertz shoots his own guy in rear

+2 points, 0:12, Smith beats up Secret Service guy

+3 points, 0:15, Hertz kills bystander

+12 points, 0:23, Audience is shown 4 thugs killed by Smith.

-2 points, 0:28, Smith smashes finger of “John” by accident. (poor targeting)

+129 points, 0:33, Smith kills 23 thugs as they invade. Kills another 20 rappelling down stairwell.

+3 points, 0:41, Smith kills Secret Service guy with carrot

+24 points, 0:47, Smith kills 8 guys while he’s having sex.

+2 points, 0:50, Smith spanks Mom

+66 points, 0:54, Smith kills 22 guards at Hammerson factory

+27 points, 0:59, Smith kills 9 thugs in car chase

+3 points, 1:07, Smith killls Senator

+24 points, 1:08, Smith kills 8 thugs while skydiving

+24 points, 1:09, Smith sees a total of 14 dead skydivers on ground, an additional 6 kills

-5 points, 1:12, Smith is tortured.

+12 points, 1:13, Smith escapes torture from Hertz, kills 4 thugs

+3 points, 1:17, Smith kills Hertz

+9 points, 1:18, Smith shoots three punks during holdup.

There isn’t much plot to this movie. Well, there is, and it’s all really convoluted. The short version is that the MacGuffin of the movie is a baby. Bad guys want the baby dead. Good guys want baby alive. Carnage ensues.

There are 2 “good” guys in this movie, Smith and Donna. There is basically 1 bad guy, Hertz, and a whole bunch of cannon fodder. By the end of the movie, Smith has killed 115 black hats.

It was visually interesting at times, but the plot was spaghetti and the dialogue was pretty stiff.

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